PROFESSOR JOSH stands in front of a dry-erase board. The heading on the board reads: “Quantifying Strength of Icebreakers.”
He looks like an Econ professor. He acknowledges our POV.
JOSH writes on the board: “Constants= Professor Josh, time=10PM, location- Feddie’s Bar”
We will cut quickly between his experiment at a BAR and logging results using bar-graph on the board, then back to the BAR
1) INT. BAR/10PM
JOSH sits alone reading a book, sipping a beer. He looks up to see hot chicks around, none interested in him.
JOSH writes “CONTROL” below the x-axis. He marks, “0” on the bar graph.
2) INT. BAR/10PM
JOSH sits at the same spot. This time he wears a ridiculous amount of sports-gear. A lot of DUDES high-five him and chat him up.
JOSH writes “Sports Fan” below the x-axis. He marks, “-2” on the bar graph.
3) INT. BAR/10PM
JOSH sends a shot to a sloppy girl at the bar. SLOPPY GIRL accepts, reluctantly.
So I’m supposed to talk to you as long as I’m drinking this present?
Is that how it goes?
SLOPPY GIRL (POUNDS the shot)
SLOPPY GIRL splits.
JOSH writes “Send a drink” below the x-axis. He marks “1” on the bar graph
4) INT. BAR/10PM
JOSH sends a PITCHER of beer to a LEVELHEADED girl.
JOSH sitting with LEVELHEADED girl. Pitcher almost empty, LEVELHEADED girl won’t shut up. Ad lib hopes and dreams kinda crap.
JOSH writes “Send a pitcher” below the x-axis. He marks “3” on the bar graph
5) EXT. SKETCHY NEIGHBORHOOD/NIGHT
JOSH is negotiating with a mostly-pretty HOOKER.
So I just walk in with you, sit there for half an hour, and split?
And laugh at my jokes. Loud. Generally boisterous behavior is encouraged.
HOOKER shrugs. JOSH gives her some cash.
JOSH enters with the HOOKER. Heads turn.
JOSH sits with the HOOKER. She appears to be having the time of her life.
HOOKER gets up to powder her nose. Almost immediately, a GUTSY chick appears.
Zat your girlfriend?
JOSH writes “Accompanied by a female” below the x-axis. He marks “7” on the bar graph.
6) INT. BAR/10PM
JOSH approaches 2 GOTH girls shooting 9-ball.
I’m going to play some songs on the jukebox. Any requests?
JOSH is putting money in the jukebox.
JOSH is back at his seat, reading a book alone. He reacts to a FUCKIN WEIRD song beginning.
GOTH CHICKS run over to him, all smiles. JOSH indicates he digs the selection.
JOSH is enjoying shooting pool with GOTH CHICKS.
JOSH writes “Jukebox Request” on the x-axis. He marks “5” on the bar graph.
7) INT. BAR/10PM
JOSH has 5 shots and beer chaser lined in front of him. He checks a stopwatch.
JOSH is joined by the same SLOPPY GIRL we met earlier.
SLOPPY girl keeps ordering drinks for the both of them.
INT. JOSH’S HOUSE/ THE NEXT MORNING
JOSH brushes his teeth, staring at the naked SLOPPY GIRL sleeping in his bed.
JOSH writes “Outdrink a troubled woman” on the x-axis. He marks “10.” JOSH looks out the window pensively. JOSH erases the 10 and marks “0.”
8) INT. BAR/10PM
JOSH walks up to the bar clad in douchebag motorcycle gear. He plunks his helmet on the bar.
JOSH writes “Motorcycle Douche” on the x-axis. He marks “6”
9) INT. BAR/10PM
JOSH sits at the same spot once again. From a pack, he produces a sheet of bubble-wrap, sets it next to him, opens a book, and sips a beer.
Nearly every woman that walks within 10 feet of him comes over to meet him and pop some bubble wrap.
At some point, he is surrounded by a gaggle of bitches.
END OF THE NIGHT he’s got a thin stack of phone numbers.
JOSH writes “Bubble Wrap” on the x-axis. He marks “10”
PROFESSOR JOSH NODS to our POV.
FADE TO WORDS:
Simple, Easy Solutions Are Everywhere
–GEORGE MASON ECON DEP’t 2013
Timed at 2:45, 3:10, and 3:25
Depends if we show JOSH writing variables.
This actually happened. Much thanks to Tyler Cowen at marginalrevolution.com for inspiration.