Behind the Music 1984: “All She Wants To Do Is Dance”

1984 Recording Studio. A lively scene. Untouched white powder and champagne waits in the center of the room. DON HENLEY, GREG the producer, BRAD the Keyboard Player, FRED the Guitarist, and JIMMY the Gopher listen to the playback of “All She Wants To Do Is Dance.”

GREG cuts the playback.

The studio erupts in celebration. Champagne pops.

BRAD

That’s a number one.

FRED

Straight to number one, Don. Congratulations.

DON lights a joint

It’s real and it’s true music, you know? A real, true thing. That is what Don Henley is about, man. Sincerity.

FRED

Sincerity.

BRAD

The utmost.

The studio phone rings. GREG the Producer answers.

GREG

Truth is beauty. And beauty is, uhh, Don Fuckin’ Hen–

Hello? …Yeah we just wrapped it…What do you mean we got a problem?…No fuckin way. She told me. She told Mr. Henley that all she wants to do is dance and that’s the end of it…No No No No No! Well, you get her ass in here now!

GREG snaps his fingers. JIMMY the Gopher splits.

DON calm

It’s alright, baby. Everything is the utmost.

GREG

It’s the girl from the song.

BRAD

I dig her.

FRED

I dig her single-minded nature.

GREG

Yeah, well. Nicky was out with her. Dancing–

DON

Sure, sure.

FRED

Naturally.

GREG

And she whispers to Nicky, “I want to dance. Dancing is all I want to do. I also want to make romance.”

A beat. The room is stunned.

DON

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Don picks up the giant bowl of white powder and smashes it against a wall.

DON

Motherfucker!

BRAD freaks out about the spilt powder.

FRED

It’s flour, Brad. Leftover from the first goddamn rewrite with the first girl. All she wanted to do was bake, bake, bake? Turns out, she also wanted to sauté.

BRAD

And that?

BRAD points at the 15 exotic animals that were offscreen.

FRED

The girl who said all she wants to do is to finish her Veterinary Degree and apply band-aids to exotic house pets.

BRAD

Woulda been a killer chorus.

DON

Would have been. But it’s not true. And we only do truth.

GREG

Right. You’re goddamn right.

DON paces the room

Do you remember a little ditty by the Eagles called “Take It Easy”?

Everyone is baffled. Nobody has heard of it.

DON

Of course you don’t. And you never will. Glenn Fry never stood on a corner in Winslow, Arizona. Glenn Fry did not have seven women on his mind. He had seventeen women on his mind. And not one of them wanted to own him or stone him. There was a girl, my Lord, that slowed down to take a look at him– from her flatbed Toyota. And that is why “Take It Easy” is a terrible, terrible song that nobody knows.

The musicians nod. They get it.

GREG

So what do you want to do, Don?

DON

We are going to get it right. 

The Unnamed Girl and Jimmy the Gopher enter the studio. The Unnamed Girl stares at the floor.

The musicians stare at The Unnamed Girl.

BRAD

She’s not danc–

FRED

She’s not dancing, Jimmy.

JIMMY

I got her. She was…she was making romance.

DON tenderly

Is this true?

UNNAMED GIRL bursts into tears

It’s true! All I want to do is dance. Dancing is all I want to do, but…

DON understands

But you also want to make romance. I get it.

UNNAMED GIRL

You do?

DON

I’m Don Henley.

UNNAMED GIRL recovered

Okay.

BRAD whispers

What the fuck does make romance mean?

FRED

Shhh.

DON

Greg?

GREG

Yessir.

DON

Roll back the master mix. Get me another synth amp and max out the mikes. Let’s make us a number one hit.

The room erupts in joy.

HOURS LATER

Same scene. The unnamed girl dances. They record the fresh track. Don is singing in the audio booth:

Song: “All she wants to do is. All she wants to do is dance…And make romance.”

Again the room erupts in joy. Champagne pops. BRAD starts cutting lines of flour.

GREG

It’s beautiful, Don. Because it’s real and true.

DON lights a joint

Now it is.

BRAD

Anybody want to party?

FRED

That’s flour, chum.

UNNAMED GIRL

I want to party.

A beat. The room is stunned into silence.

The UNNAMED GIRL realizes her error.

GREG

What was that?

UNNAMED GIRL

I want to party.

DON

Jesus Christ.

HOURS LATER:

They rerecord the song. Don is in the audiobooth. Irritated, he adds:

Song: “She wants to party–”

The room (sort of) erupts in joy.

GREG checks his watch

Good work, fellas. Let’s call it a night then.

UNNAMED GIRL

I want to get down.

DON

Christ on a cross.

HOURS LATER:

They listen to the new playback. DON sings in the audiobooth, exhausted.

Song: “She wants to party. She wants to get down.

All she wants to do is, all she wants to do is dance.

And make romance.”

Roll “All She Wants To Do Is Dance” over the following:

UNNAMED GIRL is tied to a chair. GREG operates a FORKLIFT holding a huge canvas bag of kittens.

GREG

Do you want to be covered in adorable, cute, fluffy kittens?

UNNAMED GIRL

Nooo!

DON emerges from a cloud of smoke. He rolls out an unearthly cabinet. He opens the cabinet to reveal GIZMO the Mogwai. (It is 1984.)

DON

Do you want to play with this Mogwai? Maybe feed it after midnight?

UNNAMED GIRL

Nooo!

Song rolls over MONTAGE OF ABSURD TEMPTATIONS:

  • The guys jump on rolls of BUBBLE WRAP. They offer her a sheet. She shakes her head NO.
  • The guys smash a bunch of pinatas. They offer her a bat. She shakes her head NO.
  • The guys painstakingly assemble a Ship-In-A-Bottle. She shakes her head NO.
  • The guys joyfully check out books from the library. They offer her a library card. She shakes her head NO.
  • The guys get heart transplants. The surgeon offers her a fresh heart. She shakes her head NO.
  • The guys huff glue with Adolph Hitler, Ayatollah Khomeini, and John McEnroe. They ask her to join the circle. She REALLY shakes her head NO.

Finally:

HARRISON FORD emerges from the smoke. Hold for applause.

HARRISON FORD

Do you want a lapdance from this man?

UNNAMED GIRL

No. No. No. All I want to do is dance. All I want to do is dance, make romance, party, and get down. And that’s it.

The musicians breathe a sigh of relief. HARRISON FORD unties the UNNAMED GIRL.

HARRISON FORD

Go on. Get out of here.

UNNAMED GIRL splits. HARRISON FORD nods, splits. The musicians relax. The phone rings. GREG answers.

GREG

I gotta hand it to ya, Don. Magical. Hello? What about the girl from “Boys of Summer”? No. No No No. Don’t give me that shit. Her brown skin was shining in the sun? She said it was overalls and a stovepipe hat, goddammit, and that’s how we recorded it…What the fuck are Wayfarers?

DON hurls a bowl of M&Ms against the wall.

DON

Motherfucker!

CUT